(Image Courtesy: Victoria Marathon)
One of the reasons behind creating this website was to re-discovery and aide my new found love for running after 10+ year hiatus. As where before it was about being competitive this time around its been about spirituality, finding myself after being lost, and just having an outlet. In this process we defined several milestones to help keep me and my cohorts on track, Jersey Shore 1/2 Marathon and then 6 months later the Victoria Marathon in British Columbia. The training for both events was uneven, but I was motivated more by just learning my new home of DC, not feeling loneliness, or sadness, and getting outdoors. I achieved these goals while benefiting during my first half marathon to see someone that means a lot to me achieve a new personal best and another two good friends complete a new milestone.
The same was not the case with the full marathon. An activity I never had the desire to do growing up, I decided to do it at the urging of some great friends. No matter their assistance all I felt during the race and event was loneliness. A great surge of emotion overcame me around mile 2, as i watched people cheer on the participants. I had to pause and gather myself saying its okay, its okay. I always knew the answer, never asking people to celebrate or cheer me on, feeling it would be selfish to ask and worse to hear no. As I become older I always prepared to be alone, learning to cook, clean, sew, finding and excelling at solitary activities. I took greatest pleasure in celebrating others unasked, I just liked seeing others happy and being there for them in lieu of myself.
I had come to grips with myself being alone and was chugging along until the fall of 2010, when everything changed I met someone who wouldn’t let me be alone and who celebrated me. It was the most amazing experience and I will never know how to show my appreciation for that, but as suddenly as it happened it ended 3 years later. At that moment in the race I felt that loneliness magnified by this event and defiantly said I will not let you define me, I will not let you own my heart any longer.
This was one of the reasons for this blog… to keep me going in a quiet way without drawing attention but giving me a voice to express my emotions while learning how to run again. RUNBEST!!